care package blues

it may seem strange that i am feeling a little bit sad about dropping off our second care package for max at our agency today. the past week or so i had been working on getting some stuff together to send to korea for our little one. oddly, having the care package around made me feel closer to my boy. i was able to hold what he will soon be holding and look at the pictures that he will soon see. so now that it is not in my reach any more, i feel a bit sad.

i'm sure i will feel better when i know that he actually has received it though. we were originally told that a family from our agency would be traveling in july, but now they are saying it might be a few more weeks. so until then, max's items that were chosen with care will sit in our agency in colorado. here is what we're sending him!

some adorable clothing:

a rattle/teether/crinkly toy:

and my favorite: a soft baby photo album!

here are a few of the pictures that are inside his little album:

also in the album is a picture of max with his foster mother. we are hoping she will be able to use this album to help explain to him who we are. we also included a few small items for the foster mother and foster father. of course everything needed to fit in a 1 gallon size freezer bag, so the items have to literally be "small".

i enjoyed putting this care package together more than i did his first one. for his first one i felt extremely rushed. we had received our referral on april 5th and i found out on april 6th that we could send a care package, but that everything needed to be purchased by april 7th since our agency was leaving for korea after that weekend. here are some pictures of the first care package that max received in april:

i searched the stores for this item. my nephew had something similar and he seemed to love it. i hope max does too.

i had actually purchased two outfits, but later realized that they wouldn't both fit in the bag.

out of the two, brian liked this one better, and i liked what the little tag says. : )

his file said that he liked taking baths, so i bought him some bath stuff.

we also included a few things for the foster family, however, these chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels didn't fit in the bag... that's ok, brian and i enjoyed them!

10 month update!!!!!

This update came just when I needed it. FINALLY we got to see our little one's smile!

I was thankful to see that he is using a pacifier. I read somewhere that when a baby sucks, it helps with the development of neurotransmitters. I was debating sending him a pacifier in his next care package, but was happy to see that his foster mother gives him one.

I just love this next picture. He just keeps getting cuter and cuter. I LOVE his wild hair... and the fact that he is not dressed in pink finally! And his lips... and chin...and cheeks... and eyes... and little hands. I've already printed these pictures and can't stop looking at his adorableness.

In addition to these surprise pictures, we got his ten month measurements. He has moved up a bit on the growth chart!!! Yay Max!

test results are in

a few posts ago, i asked for prayers regarding our son's blood test that would be done in korea. thank you for those. we got the results back yesterday and they were normal! i am very thankful for this.

i don't feel quite as relieved as i should though. there are so many unknowns and possibilities and nothing with a child's health is guaranteed. it looks like i might be one of those moms who worries too much! i'm trying to trust in God and know that he is in control of our lives.

i wish i had a new picture to post, but i don't. our agency said hopefully we will get updates every other month or so... our last one was after his 8 month check up, so maybe after his 10 month one??? (fingers crossed!) it's hard to believe he will 10 months old next week.

in his 8 month update we learned:

• he is crawling
• he likes to splash in the bathtub
• he is mimicking sounds well
• he likes to touch people's faces when he meets them
• (and my favorite) he is an "easy laughing (happy) baby"

we did get 9 month measurements... and he is tiny. while he is making consistent growth on the growth charts (which is good) he is only in the 10th percentile for height and the 5th percentile for weight. brian says he's going to be a little ninja. i want him home so i can feed him more and get some meat on his bones!

moab!

the trip to moab, utah was a great mini-vacation. after the scenic drive across colorado (and the entertainment of listening to "twilight" on the ipod) brian and i arrived in moab and continued about 20 miles up the mountains.

expecting desert, we were pleasantly surprised at how green and wooded the mountains are.

we decided to take a hike up to a mountain lake. (i forget the name of the lake). we enjoyed the pine fresh air, the wildflowers and the beautiful aspen trees. brian decided to take a dip in the lake which was way too cold for me. in fact i had goosebumps and i didn't even go in the water.

after our hike we got a hold of noah and siemay who were just pulling into town. we met them for a nice dinner in town and got caught up. it was so great to see them... they are some of our closest friends. i only wish we lived closer to each other so we could spend more time together... especially since they are having a baby in about 6 weeks!

we were all pretty sleepy after a day of traveling and headed back to camp after dinner. i had my doubts about the quality of the cheap $30 tent brian purchased, but it seemed to do the job for the first night.

(prime camping spot right next to the creek)

after a leisurely breakfast and coffee the next morning we ventured out to check out the rock climbing. the guys were excited about the quality of the rock. siemay and i warmed up on some easier 5'10ish climbs. she couldn't exert too much energy being 32 weeks pregnant, and by the time we moved on to harder climbs, i was too cold to motivate to try much. we did venture over to some more 5'10's and were ready to do some more climbing, but it started raining.

(this is brian on a hard climb)

because of the cold rain we decided to forego the tent sleeping and take noah and siemay up on their offer to let us sleep in the camper. siemay cooked us up a dinner of mein, beef and vegetables and we played game after game of boggle as we listened to the rain hit the camper roof. surprisingly, when i peeked out the window later, the rain had turned to snow!

the next morning the snow had melted on the ground, but the highest mountain peaks were now covered. beautiful!

rich pulled up to our campsite, and it was great to see him as the last time we saw him was almost 2 yrs ago at noah and siemay's wedding. the 5 of us decided to go down to moab to get some coffee. we left the mountain with down jackets and hats, and when we stepped out of the car in moab it was hot! like 90 degrees hot.

we got coffee and juice at a local coffee shop and then went to big bend where there were some great boulders we played around on. later in the afternoon we went back up the mountain and brian and i took a beautiful hike on the trans mountain trail. the aspens were gorgeous as were the freshly snow capped mountain peaks. brian and i found a beautiful and peaceful spot amongst the wildflowers and a babbling brook.

(like brian said, 'two bumps on a log')

after our hike, we met up with the rest of our friends and began cooking up dinner in the camper. we ate some good food and celebrated rich's birthday.

(siemay is SO thoughtful!)

(this is rich before the "marshmallow challenge")

(this is rich after successfully completing the "marshmallow challenge" despite being tricked by brian who didn't mention that he had "jumbo" marshmallows. this gave us all some great entertainment!)

the next day we had a nice day climbing. after i tired out from climbing i decided to take a hike. soon after i began my hike, i realized just how tired i was. all i could focus on was completing my hike so that i could get back and eat my gluten free muffin!

our final day in moab was spent hiking around the arches. it was hot!... but beautiful!

siemay only hiked part of the way with us because she was having some braxton hicks contractions.

i followed the guys up to the top of the arches. halfway up, i realized that i was going to have a difficult time climbing down. when we got to the top i saw chains meaning that most people used a rope to get up to where we were... we didn't have a rope. and i was wearing sandals. and the rock was burning my hands.

so i kind of freaked out a bit... actually i was contemplating my funeral. it would have been easy for me to start panicking (maybe i did a little). thankfully brian and noah totally helped me out. noah climbed down beneath me and blew the sand off of the holds while brian stayed close to me in case i needed to grab onto him.

i was sure happy to be back on the ground and alive! and i was thankful to have such good friends willing to put themselves in danger to help me feel secure. (And a God who protected me... i was really pretty scared!)

after our hike we were super hot and went across the street to hang out at the river. the current was strong. the guys jumped in while siemay and i dipped our feet in. we had a very funny experience with a passing tour boat that will probably be a story that we will laugh about for years. i can't describe it on here as it's not exactly rated for general audiences.

during lunch at a local restaurant we discussed how fun it would be to all purchase some land together and build separate homes and have our kids grow up together. hopefully one day!

feeling positive

today we got a promising report from the international adoption specialist. after reviewing max's information, photos and videos she wrote that "he is a darling little boy who is growing and developing normally"!! ahhh.... sigh of relief. and thank God. we will still be having him tested in korea for a specific issue, but i am fairly confident that this test will turn out negative. the international adoption specialist is also recommending monthly updates and photos from his monthly well baby check ups (per my request), so hopefully we can watch him grow while he is away from us and receive more adorable photos such as this!

this was taken at his 8 month well baby checkup. he turned 9 months old yesterday! i said that if we received positive news about his health that i wouldn't complain about the long wait to bring him home. i'm going to try to stick to that statement. instead of thinking of how many months we have without him, i'm trying to have something to look forward to each month until we bring him home.

may was a pretty stressful month with being ill, finding out about the EP quota, lots of rain, and getting a questionable health update on max.

june is going so much better! we have had a ton of sun, and the weather has been gorgeous!!! i am loving it. i rediscovered my favorite state park (eldorado canyon) and began running again (well, i've done it twice so far!). two of my good friends traveled through colorado last week and we had a great few days together. this weekend we are meeting some very good friends for a camping/climbing trip in utah.

in july, my mom will be coming to visit. i am having fun planning on all the places i want her to see. and it will be nice to have some mother/daughter time.

i will be traveling home to ohio in august to see the rest of my family including my two adorable nephews who i have been missing lately.

in addition to missing my nephews, i have been missing ethiopia so much lately. it almost seems unhealthy for me to feel so connected to a country/culture/people... i can only hope/pray that God is the One giving me these strong feelings, and that there is a purpose for them.

september will be a big milestone month. it will be brian's and my 10 year anniversary along with Max InChan's 1st birthday! i definitely want to plan something special. any suggestions are welcome!

prayers and perspective

(this photo was taken the evening of our update.)

we got an update this week. it was a shocker. we weren't expecting to receive anything, so when i saw the email from my adoption agency titled "update" i was a little confused. as i opened it my first thought was, wow Eastern really is going to be giving more updates.

then i read the first paragraph. something was found at his last well baby check up that was important enough for them to have us notified. what i read made my stomach drop and i started to panic. i quickly did an internet reference check and read about several worst case scenario. i called brian in a panic and left work early as i could no longer concentrate on anything else.

when i got home we spent more time doing some research. we found some things on the internet that were somewhat reassuring. the physical indicator that he has can be normal, but is very rare and can be a major red flag. i was still thinking worst case scenario, but brian was beginning to feel better after learning that up to 12% of koreans supposedly have this.

i was pretty devastated the whole day and night, but had a glimmer of hope. over the next couple of days i read some things in korean adoption forums that made me feel somewhat better. i contacted our good friend who is a physician expecting that she would be worried as well, but surprisingly she said she wasn't concerned... and in fact her dad (asian as well) has the same physical characteristic. that made me feel a ton better. she also forwarded the latest medical report to her friend who is a pediatrician (who was one of the two physicians who reviewed max's initial paperwork), and crazy enough, he has the characteristic too!

i haven't shared details with anyone but my family and my friend above. i know my family has been praying since they found out. i believe it is these prayers that have given brian and i the outlook that everything is going to be just fine. maybe even these prayers helped to orchestrate the crazy coincidence that both my friend's dad and her pediatrician friend have the same thing as our boy.

i have to admit that for a day or two i was in a bad place. i did have a couple of breakdowns. i also questioned whether God even wanted us to adopt and/or if he was involved at all. i know that's horrible, but that's how i was feeling.

i have to believe that it was no coincidence that we were matched with max. there are so many things that had to line up for it to happen. i may post about those details sometime, but it includes me relentlessly trying to switch to ethiopia and then almost to china. if certain things weren't timed exactly the way they occurred, i might not have felt so certain that God was in charge of this match.

anyways, if anyone is reading this please pray for our little max. please pray that his test results come up good. please pray that his birth mother's history was accurate. we will be making an appointment with an international adoption pediatrician soon, so please pray that this goes well.

i told my social worker that this situation has given me new perspective. if everything turns out ok for him i will be so happy and thankful that i won't ever complain again about the long wait for him to come home. well... i probably will still complain a bit, but the wait time seems so insignificant in light of what we were thinking for a couple of days. while this road bump had me feeling shattered, if we get through the testing etc. i will feel such a new appreciation as we wait for our son. i'm already feeling like a much more thankful and joyful person since i went from feeling hopeless and helpless to now feeling hope and peace.

taking advantage of the sun

after being sick for nearly three weeks, i am finally feeling almost back to normal. it's been a tough few weeks for several reasons. 1.) we found out difficult news about the adoption. 2.) i've had a lingering respiratory/flu thing. 3.) we've had lots of rain and gray skies. 4.) because of #2 and #3 i haven't been able to exercise much and/or enjoy the outdoors... which is never good for my mood.

BUT we had sun this weekend AND i've only had to use a few kleenex! so things are definitely looking up. on the adoption front, i learned that it looks like we can send Max a care package each month which also brightened my outlook a bit.

on saturday brian and i headed over to macIntosh lake to do the 3.5 mile loop around the lake that we commonly do. we decided to park at the farm museum as brian loves to pet the animals. he pet the goats, a sheep and a calf. he couldn't get the pig to come up to him. last time we were there he lured them over with jolly ranchers (don't tell anyone.) i personally am not that into farm animals, but i'm glad that brian enjoys it. brian will be a great playmate for max when he comes home and we both look forward to showing him all of our fun spots!

we commented about how FAT these cows look compared to the cows we commonly saw in ethiopia.

American cows...

Ethiopian cow...

today michelle and i had big plans to hike in lyons the 9.6 mile loop to check out the cabin at hall ranch. we actually tried one other time, but thought it was only a six mile loop and didn't find it (since we didn't go far enough).

this time we were smart and took a picture of the map.

the hike was very pleasant. we had great conversation and enjoyed the mild weather. there were tons of mountain bikers who passed us and everyone was friendly and greeted us.

we were posing like we're cool or something...

after about 5 miles, we caught a glimpse of the cabin! we checked it out, took a few pictures and headed down the trail.

on our hike down we saw a ton of deer. we also saw a wild turkey, some cool birds and a rabbit. we were pretty close to the deer and took a clementine eating break and relaxed as we watched the deer watch us. it was serene and beautiful.

we also enjoyed some nice views of the top of long's peak

by the time we finally got back to the car, we were hungry and our feet were aching. we arrived back to our house and chowed on some homemade soup that brian had prepared. it was a good day.