when we began the adoption process for south korea, we were told that we would likely bring home a child who is 14 months old. this was a bit difficult for me to warm up to as i know the first year of life is so important for bonding/attachment etc.
one week ago we received news from our agency announcing that the korean government had reached their quota for international adoption very, very early this year. unfortunately all families who have received referrals between december 2010 and now will not be able to travel to get their babies this year. this was shocking that they ran out so early. since december 2010 referrals won't be submitted for travel until january 2012 and it takes 4-8 weeks before travel can occur, it is now estimated that we won't be able to pick up our baby until May/June of 2012.
this devastates me. so instead of waiting 8 months from referral to travel, we will now be waiting 14 months. instead of bringing our baby home at 14 months old, we will be bringing him home at 20 months old. and that's if everything goes as predicted. my biggest fear is that the quota will be reached earlier than anticipated again next year (it decreases by 10% each year) and we would get pushed into 2013. that is not likely, but i can't help but think of it.
needless to say, i've been pretty depressed this past week. i had been so excited and was starting to feel like a mom and then it seemed like everything was taken from me. i hate uncertainty and not having control. i hate that there is nothing we can do to change matters, and that quite possibly our only child is being raised in a foster home for almost the first 2 years of his life while we are here wishing that he was home with us.
i had a conversation with a friend tonight that was enlightening and gave me my first sense of peace since this announcement last week. my friend is currently 6 months pregnant. she told me that there might be a health concern with her baby, but they won't know until she delivers. she told me that while this health concern makes her nervous, that as she was praying about it she realized that her being pregnant is not about her. it's about the baby. and God gave her (and her husband) this baby. if her baby ends up having special needs she will embrace it and know that God saw her and her husband fit to be given a baby with special needs.
as she was talking it helped me to see our situation for what it is. us having to wait longer to bring home our child shouldn't only be about us. God is in control and if he ordains that we receive our child when he is 2 years old or 3 years old, then we should embrace the fact that we are being given a child. we don't always see the whole picture, but there might be a bigger reason for the wait. i know that i have to believe that God is in control and that His timing is perfect. while this is something i've been saying all along, it made it more believable when i talked with a friend who truly seems to be living out her faith. i am very thankful for the conversation we had tonight.
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